aletino (aletino) wrote in getharrylaid,

Author: Aletino
Title: Egging
Rating: R-ish? Light NC-17?
Disclaimer: Not mine. I promise. If they were they would definitely be shagging more often.
Summary: Detention. Potion-testing. Snape in a bunny suit.
Length: about 1750 words

For her birthday, srichard requested: “a fic, but not just any fic. I want a fic about Snape. Dressed up in a giant bunny costume. Acting as the Easter Bunny. Bringing candy and loving, consensual sex to Draco, Harry, and all the other good little boys of Hogwarts. It would be nice if soft fuzzy chicks were involved, but not sexually, because that would perhaps be loving, but not consensual, unless the chicks had been charmed to talk, and were able to verbally consent in a clear and intelligible manner.” I did my best to include them all…I have no idea why this bit me, but it did. It was supposed to be humor, and turned into fluff, so watch out…

Warnings for dirty talk and sappiness; SS/RL on the side; my first fic posted here.

Betaed by the lovely leftsockarchive. Thanks, doll!
Challenge or Stand Alone?: Stand Alone

Snape strode into the detention room. Harry and Draco froze in shock, Draco’s hand in Harry’s hair and Harry’s fist curled.

The detention had begun like any other shared by the two boys--words leading to blows leading to Harry on top of Draco, breathing heavily. Draco had been moving as best he could with Harry bopping him when they were interrupted.

Snape uttered no reprimand. The boys were so stunned at his appearance that they could hardly breathe, let alone speak. He walked to the front of the room and set a large basket on the desk in front of the blackboard. “This evening,” he began, “you will be testing certain potions of mine. Headmaster Dumbledore has particularly requested that these potions be ready and proved potent by tomorrow morning, and so I will be bottling the remainder in my private laboratory. As you will be testing them, you will not need protective gear. You are aware of my ordering system?” They nodded mutely. “Instructions are with the potions.”

The professor turned and went through the door into his offices. The boys stared after him. They knew that rubber was the best protective gear available, and that of course Snape would have several jumpsuits for his varied and dangerous potionmaking. It was even conceivable that the suit might have been damaged in the lower back, necessitating a patch like a ragged white teardrop. But…

“Pink?” Harry asked, dumbfounded, lowering his hand. Even eternal enmity can be defeated by the sight of a former Death Eater in a bunny suit.

“And…why the ears?” Draco pulled his fingers free of Harry’s mop and shoved at him. “Gerroff, Potter, let’s get this over with.”

After a few confused moments while they detangled their legs and robes and dusted off the knees of their trousers*, they warily approached the front desk. Any potions that could drive Snape to wearing pink protective gear were probably lethal.

*Of course they were fully dressed and fighting! I can hear your dirty little minds at work, people! ::narrator gives readers a stern look::

Under the wicker lid were six glass eggs, corked. Red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple.

“Eggs,” Harry said.

“Eggs,” said Draco.

They eyed each other. Draco broke the standoff first. “Red first, right? And so on down?”


Probe Eloqui, ran the script in Snape’s spiked hand. One of you (A) take this while the other (B) takes the Exaudire Ardor (orange) and notes clearly and exactly, please, in writing, the effect that the speech of A has on you (B).

They eyed each other. “I’ll take the red,” Harry said, finally.

“Fine.” Not taking their eyes off of each other, they uncorked the small bottles and tossed off their draughts.

Draco picked up his quill and readied it. “Well?” he asked, looking up. “Talk.”

Harry looked blank a moment before smirking. There was a basket full of glass bottles containing elaborate concoctions between them, and Draco wouldn’t dare jump him. “Slytherins suck. They suck hard. You, in particular, suck. I’d like to see you suck me, actually…” the look on his face was positively comical as he tried to watch his own mouth in horror, “on your knees, bent over my cock, sucking and licking and coaxing me to come with your tongue and your throat, getting hard off my moans until I stop you and fuck you until you come…”

Draco’s ears were burning hotter and hotter. The images that Harry’s speech evoked were also interesting his own--”All right! Enough!” He looked down at the blank parchment and gulped. The instructions from Snape lay across the top corner. How could he write this…? Clearly and precisely…Oh, God. But suppose this was supposed to happen? Snape would blow his top if the potion had worked correctly and Draco hadn’t written all the details…He drew a deep breath. Clear and precise it was.

A few minutes later, the quill’s scratching stopped. “Next egg?” Harry nodded. His partner reached in and broke open the yellow egg.

If the potions worked correctly, the Probe Eloqui will have forced A to say things that are true. If they were true, B’s ears should have felt warm. If they had been false, B’s ears would have grown colder. If the Exaudire Ardor was wrong, it would have caused B’s ears to fall off. In the highly unlikely event that this happened, refrain from visiting the hospital wing until the testing has been completed.

That’s Snape, Harry reflected, disgusted. All heart.

This is Audire Verum. It can have undesirable reactions when combined with the Exaudire Ardor, so please have A consume it. Simultaneously, B should take the next potion, Validus Studium. I expect lucid notes on the effect B’s speech has on A.

Wordlessly, Draco handed Harry the yellow egg and downed his own. Harry took out his own parchment and quill and finally dared to look up at his partner. His “Well?” came out a little shakily.

“I want you. I want you to kiss me the day we graduate. I want you to come to me and fuck me the day you defeat the Dark Lord, to reassure us both that we’re alive and together. I want to tell you the gray hairs are distinguished and have you kiss the lines around my eyes. I want to suck your cock and watch you fall apart in my mouth. I want to be the first thing you see in the morning and taste your toothpaste when you kiss me goodnight. I want to walk into parties holding your hand and sneak away for a quick handjob in linen closets. I want to be Uncle Draco to the Weasel’s kids just because I’m yours, and watch you teach them to play Quidditch, and then teach them to cheat when you’re not looking. I want to feel your cock up my arse, thrusting and coming and coming. I want to know that I’m the one you breathe for…”

Harry’s bones were melting in the heat and the sweet strength of the words. His mouth was slightly open and his cock was rock-hard. He leaned forward--and the quill skrrriiiitched across the page. Damn. Notes. Right. His eye caught Snape’s scroll. Lucid, eh? His mischievous streak popped up. Lucid, Snape would get.

Finally he looked up, his smile promising all kinds of things. Draco smiled back, relieved.

If the potions worked correctly, the Validus Studium will have forced A to speak his desires. If they were true, the back of B’s neck should have turned pink. If they had been false, B’s neck would have turned blue. If the Audire Verum was wrong, it would have caused B’s neck to be covered in purple spots. Again, in the highly unlikely event that this happened, refrain from visiting the hospital wing until the testing has been completed.

Harry glanced at Draco and gestured at the back of his neck. The blond moved behind him and lifted the hair off his neck. Hot pulsing pink. He smiled, wrapped his arms around Harry, and dropped a kiss on the skin. Harry grinned.

The next potion is Perdere Stragulum. Do not consume. Sprinkle it on your clothing.

The two of them looked at each other, shrugged, and did as instructed. Almost immediately, there was a fizzing sensation on their skin as the cloth dissolved, leaving pale skin bare to the light. His eyes devouring every inch of Draco’s body, Harry scrabbled for the scroll with one hand, reluctantly glancing down at it.

This should have dissolved your clothing. A simple “effective” will suffice. The last potion is the Lapsus. Try to rub it into your skin. If it is slippery but not absorbed, another “effective” will do. Leave your notes on my desk and please tidy up after you are finished.

--Professor Severus Snape

With every word, Harry’s grin had been widening, and now he reached for the purple egg, spilling it over his fingers recklessly. He reached for Draco and pulled him into a deep kiss, then slid down his body, taking his cock deep and sliding two slippery fingers into his arse. Draco shuddered and came, spilling down Harry’s throat, and had hardly finished before he was on his back on the floor, fingers laced through Harry’s hair as Harry fucked him, slow and hard, their moans echoing together.


“Severus?” Remus Lupin poked his head around the door. “Did you get those Truth and Attack potions done for the Order?”

“All finished. Potter and Malfoy tested them for me as their detention.” Snape flicked the paper towards the werewolf. “I must say, I wasn’t expecting quite so much…truth in their report.”

Lupin glanced through the material, and looked up at the Potions Master. “Has quite an effect, the truth…why, Severus. I do believe it’s had an effect on you, too.” He moved around behind the darker man and squeezed a bulge in the pink rubber.

“Not at all.” Snape refused to look at him.

“The truth is an important thing, Severus…” The zipper of the suit began inching down…

“Well…I’ll send the two of them some chocolates in thanks. Will that do for you?”

“Almost…let’s make this a happy Easter, Severus…”


That year began a tradition. The older couple sent the younger ones chocolate. The next year, the boys sent their former teachers a basket of jelly beans. And so on and so forth, down through the ages, until the year the Potter-Malfoy couple were thirty-two, and…


“What is it, Severus?”

“It’s peeping!”

Rough translations of even rougher Latin names for the potions:
Red: Probe Eloqui is to speak out honestly
Orange: Exaudire Ardor is to hear emotion clearly
Yellow: Audire Verum is to hear truth
Green: Validus Studium is to tell of desires
Blue: Perdere Stragulum is to destroy cloth
Purple: Lapsus is slide

Cross-posted to a jillion places, so I'm sorry if you see it too often. I beg you to rip it to shreds in revenge...or even just because I need feedback...?
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